Ok, What Needs To Come First?

Character or Transparent Relationships. What do you think needs to come first? Well, if you have character, then relationships, (especially transparent ones) are really easy. If you have no sin in your life, and the person you’re talking to has no sin in their life, then you can talk about anything you want to talk about because you have nothing hidden. You’re both walking in total righteousness and transparency and it's easy in that kind of environment. Unfortunately, we’re not born mature. We're born immature and we have to go through this process of becoming mature.

The reality is that we become mature by God and other people helping us to see the immaturity in our lives and fix it.

We don't do Christianity alone!

It’s not possible. You don’t do Christianity with just you and Jesus! That is not possible. In the garden, Adam was alone with God and it was not good. (Genesis 2:18) So, He made woman. In order to grow and develop the God kind of character, we need to have transparent relationships in our lives.


James 5:16 - Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.


We're supposed to share with one another the problems we're having and the fruit of that is that we'll be healed. That word "healed" means "to make healthy, whole, or sound; restore to health; free from ailment." In other words, no more limping. If you want freedom, from some of the things you're struggling with, you need to confess it to the Lord and to one another. It's in that confession that we're made whole. It's not some magical thing! It's a character development thing! When you share with someone what you're struggling with, you provide them an opportunity to help you. This is, of course, if you're confessing it to someone you can trust. You don't want to tell someone something and then have that person go and share that with other people.

For example... 

I struggled with lying for a long time. I lied as a kid, and a I lied as an adult. I thank the Lord and my wife, Christina, for helping me overcome it. It was a stronghold in my life. And the only thing that can truly take care of a stronghold is getting a revelation of what the Word of God says. That doesn't always happen overnight. Now, if I had a child and he lied to me, here's how I would handle it... by blessing him. "What? Blessing him? You obviously don't have kids, Frank! I'd show him the back of my hand and punish him!" Yes. I'd bless him. I'd say to him, "Son, do you know why I'm about to bless you?" He would probably say, "No?" I would answer him, "Because you lied to me".


The reason I would do that is to show my son that there is something more important to me than his behavior, and that something is the relationship he has with my wife and I, his parents. The thing my wife and I would want to guard and protect is the connection our son has with us. Not to mention, the safety that our son should have in communicating with us and coming to us with what he is struggling with. If he can come to us, then he can get help. If he can come to us, we can instruct him on the finer points of behavior. 

God is the same way!

He is a lot more interested in protecting our relationship with Him, so that we can come to Him and we can grow. That's how the environment should be with one another. If the consequences for confessing your sin is so high, you would never confess them. I mean, who would ever share what was going on in their lives?

Why? Here's why!

Because the consequences for being transparent were so high, that he couldn't possibly be transparent, and when it finally did come out, he lost everything.


So, in our relationships, we have to guard in setting the consequence for transparency so high, that transparency could never happen, because what that does is instill fear. Am I saying that you have to go around all the time confessing your sins wherever you go or just spewing them all over someone you just met? NO! Have some balance. But, when you're allowing thoughts like "I can't let anyone find out about this!" or "If anyone finds out about this, bad stuff is going to happen!",  that's not going to produce fruit and...

...when you have that attitude, you can't grow!